There are a lot of factors that could make it hard for you to reach orgasm —lack of knowledge (an online sexology course can help), improper stimulation, poor positioning, insufficient communication, or not giving yourself enough time — but it appears that your problem involves mental back-ups.
Orgasm is a mental experience, same with a physical one. It could feel like there is an extremely narrow window of reasonable mental efforts at times. If you think about it a lot — “Am I near? Is my lover becoming tired? Will it happen any time soon?” — it may be hard for you to reach an orgasm or enjoy yourself. So what should you do in a situation where you cannot seem to loosen up?
If you want to know how to have great sex, you should find better means to focus your mind when having intercourse. Below are tips to make your brain concentrate and know how to climax with your lover.
Fantasize
Among the most effective methods for increasing your ability to reach climax is active fantasizing. Fantasizing is excellent in keeping our minds occupied when having sex. Moreover, it paves the way to one more layer of stimulation. Others could climax simply from fantasizing!
Now, imagine your favorite fantasies, and select the one you could use next time you are intimate with your lover. Choosing something before your activity could be useful, so you do not need to waste mental energy deciding that time. Try to elaborate as many fantasy details as you could, and engage yourself in the occasion.
Tell A Story
Concentrating on a story could help you reach a climax with your lover. If fantasizing when having intercourse seems extremely tedious to you, you could try sharpening your attention to precisely what is happening when you are sexual. As you are having intercourse, please look at what your lover is doing, then say all of it to yourself. For instance, “they are using their tongue to circulate my clit. Now they are flicking my clit using the tip of their tongue.” That may seem a bit silly, but it could be incredibly hot when done properly because it assists you in soaking up each part of the stimulation. Try it, and see if it could help you in staying present during the event.
Change Up Your Routine
Do you have a certain way to masturbate? Some masturbate the same every time and make mental tie-ups to reach orgasm with their partners (that occurs mostly for men as well). You can become distracted if you’re judging your spouse’s pace or pressure or if you are lamenting the fact that your lover isn’t exciting you as effectively as you can.
Remind Yourself Who’s Touching You
Reminding yourself that you are getting intimate with your lover is one approach for making yourself feel more at ease. Make a mental note of your partner’s name. It might also be beneficial to look your spouse in the eyes. Although the brain recognizes them, this practice can assist the more subconscious elements of your mind in the beginning to relax.
Be Realistic In The Moment
It’s normal for your thoughts to wander during sex. It’s nearly hard to maintain undivided concentration on anything for an extended period. There is no exception when it comes to sex. During sex, everyone’s mind drifts at one point or another. People might become so freaked up over being diverted that they spiral into a frustrating distraction spiral.
When you are in the present time with your lover and your mind starts to wander, gently bring it back to what’s happening. Don’t be too hard on yourself; the crucial word here is “gentle.” “Oops, here I go again, but it’s fine,” you can tell yourself. Inhale deeply and look your spouse in the eyes to concentrate.”